You really coming over, don't trick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
