I think i peed on brittanys purse
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
