i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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