Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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