I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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