He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
