i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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