I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
