I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
