I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my liver is dry heaving
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
