you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
