One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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