Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
