She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
