Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
