I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
