Where are you?
In a non slutty way
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
