do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
