update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize