I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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