His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
