I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
