Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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