And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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