69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
tell me about the fingering
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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