I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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