Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
