i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
birth control should be required to get into college
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize