I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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