dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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