Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
