i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize