I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
