I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
