Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
