I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
