hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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