and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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