Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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