im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
