i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
