Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
