I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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