you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
