He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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