I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
