Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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