Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
