when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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