Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
