one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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