she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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