is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize