1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want nice things and good sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
