Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
