I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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