how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
