don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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