just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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