I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
