I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
