Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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