I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
