I've blown a few things in my day
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
