There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
