It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
