And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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