Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
