Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
