When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
