I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They are going to name an STD after you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
