Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
