So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you made out with another girl for some wings
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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