Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
