is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
