so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
