I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
