i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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