Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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