she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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