she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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