so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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