...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
