last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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