Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
