Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
