He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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