with your own penis?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
